Little Johnny was at football practice one day and the coach said “Who here thinks they can jump higher than the goal posts” Immediately little Johnny said, “Ooh me sir me” The coach then said, “But Johnny you are the worst in the team!” Then Johnny said, “I know, but goalposts can’t jump!”

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an “F” in arithmetic. “Why?” asks the father. “The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ I said ’6.’” “But that’s right!” The father replied. “Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?’” “What the heck’s the stupid difference?” asked the father. “That’s what I said!”

A schoolteacher was trying to teach her six-year old class students how to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag. The teacher said, O.K. children begin by putting your hand over your little heart and repeat with me, I pledge allegiance to the HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Johnny, why is your hand over your [...]

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, ‘Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44? Little Johnny quickly replied, ‘NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!’

Little Johnny wasn’t very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word “new” on the blackboard. “Now,” she asked Johnny, “what word would we have if we placed a “K” in the front?” After a moment’s reflection, Johnny said, “Canoe?”

Little Johnny “why is your homework in your Dads writing?” the teacher asks. “I used his pen,” he replied.

One day the school principal was talking to Little Johnny’s teacher about his behavior, when all of a sudden Johnny comes running down the hallway. The principal stops Johnny and asks him, why are you running? Little Johnny says; I’m keeping two kids from fighting, sir. Who? ask the principal. Me and the kid chasing [...]

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!” After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?” “No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by [...]

Little Johnny’s class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, “it was so nice of you to put my daddy’s picture up there.”

A teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his 1 to 10 well “Yes! Of course! My pop taught me…even more than 10″ “Good. What comes after three?” “Four,” answers the boy. “What comes after six?” “Seven.” “Very good,” says the teacher. “Your erm…dad did a good job. Now…so what comes after…lets say ten?” “A [...]

Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?” “Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer,” said little Johnny through his tears. “That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother.” I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t [...]

The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, “My daddy fell in well last week.” “Good Lord!” the teacher exclaimed. “Is he OK?” “He must be,” said Little Johnny. “He stopped calling for help [...]